


not very pretty but we sure know how to run things

by harukatenoh



Series: we're on each other's team [1]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Sort Of, Team Bonding, Titans, hilarious white people jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21753703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harukatenoh/pseuds/harukatenoh
Summary: The current iteration of the Titans has very particular entry requirements.
Relationships: Damian Wayne & Iris West II, Lian Harper & Damian Wayne, Lian Harper & Damian Wayne & Iris West II, Lian Harper & Iris West II
Series: we're on each other's team [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1567885
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	not very pretty but we sure know how to run things

**Author's Note:**

> to bea. happy birthday. i love you. titans 2.0 for life
> 
> work title from team by lorde. pure heroine in general represents this bunch pretty well. thnx 4 reading

When Damian walks into the lounge room of the Titans Tower, Iris and Lian are already situated on one of the couches. He takes the seat opposite them, raising an eyebrow at their positions. 

Iris catches his gaze and pats the space next to her, smiling. His eyebrow goes up higher. His new teammates can choose to sprawl themselves over each other in any undignified matter they choose, but Damian is hardly about to join in. Lian, noticing his scrutiny, looks up from her phone to poke her tongue out at him.

Damian barely resists the urge to poke his tongue back, but nobody needs to know that. With a dignified huff, he looks away. He places the file he was carrying onto the coffee table and clears his throat.

“Hello, Iris,” he greets with a nod. She smiles and waves back. He turns his attention to Lian; they regard each other for a moment, and when Damian deems the silence has drawn on for long enough, he says “Harper.”

Lian sneers. 

“Wayne,” she replies.

Iris sighs. “Here we go again,” she mutters. Then, she shakes her head and visibly brightens, looking back up at Damian. “What’s up?” she asks, pointedly ignoring Damian and Lian’s staring contest. 

Damian pushes the file towards their end of the table, and Iris picks it up. Lian continues to stare at him. 

“Richard has identified a potential recruit for our team. He wanted us to discuss the matter as… a team.”

Iris lights up as she opens the file. She says “Isn’t this exciting! We’re going to be a proper hero team!” 

Damian rolls his eyes. He can hear the desperate relief in her tone; a more honest statement for her to make would’ve been  _ isn’t this exciting, I’m finally going to have other people to hang out with apart from you guys! _

Lian smiles, cloyingly bright, and says “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Irey. Chances are high that Damian’s attitude is going to drive them off within the week.”

Damian narrows his eyes at her. He opens his mouth to reply, but before he can, Iris interrupts.

_ “Guys,” _ she sighs, “not before ten am. I haven’t even had breakfast yet.”

There’s a multitude of comments Damian could make about that, but in respect to the teammate he can actually stand, he bides his tongue. Lian seems to come to a similar decision, because she relaxes her posture slightly, coming off of the attack.

Iris glares at both of them, but seems happy enough at their acquiescence. She sets the file down, open to the first page. Damian glances over it. It’s a typical photo profile, and he can already tell this person is even more unremarkable than the likes of Lian, and that’s not even the worst of it.

He scoffs at the same time that Lian makes a displeased sound. The agreement startles all three of them: Iris looks between them both with concern, while Damian meets Lian’s equally confused gaze.

There’s a moment of silence, and then Iris warily says “What? You guys don’t like him?”

Damian starts with the softer blows. Always weaken your opponent, and then go in for the final strike.

“Super strength is a power as common as it is inane,” he says dryly.

Iris, as she tends to do during these meetings, sighs and closes her eyes. “None of us have it, though,” she points out.

“Because we don’t require it,” Damian counters.

“It’s important to be well-rounded. All three of us rely on speed and agility; we need somebody who can hold their ground in close combat.” Damian scoffs.  _ He _ can hold his ground in close combat just fine. Iris seems to sense his thoughts, because she continues with, “At the very least, as a distraction.”

Damian clicks his tongue. He supposes she makes a point.

In the quiet that follows, Lian clears her throat and says “He’s younger than us. We aren’t babysitters.” Damian feels simultaneously irritated that she stole his next point, and glad that somebody pointed it out, at least.

Iris gives Lian an unimpressed look. “He’s  _ one year _ younger than me. That’s the same age difference between you and me. Do you feel like you have to babysit me?”

Lian huffs. “No,” she says, mouth downturned under the force of Iris’ glare.

“That’s what I thought,” Iris replies shortly.

Lian crosses her arms and glances at Damian, as if she’s passing the baton. Well, fair enough. Damian is much better at this than her. Nobody is as discerning as he is, and certainly nobody is as disdaining as he is.

He scowls and says “He’s only just awakened to his abilities. He is inexperienced at best, and wholly inadequate at worst.”

Iris’ exasperation is so evident that Damian can almost hear her lamenting in her internal monologue. 

She says “That’s the point of being on a team. You can learn, knowing that you have backup in case you fuck up.” She levels both Damian and Lian with a severe look. “Now, can you guys tell me why you’re  _ actually _ protesting, or are we just going to go in circles all morning?”

It’s a miracle that Iris didn’t inherit her father’s lackadaisical nature, especially when her twin is considered. That look and that tone of voice would’ve been a lot less effective otherwise, and Damian wouldn’t have felt nearly as admonished as he does at the current moment.

He looks over at Lian. She looks back at him.

As much as Damian dislikes Lian, for reasons both justified and abundant, when their gazes connect, he feels a brief, unbreakable solidarity. It’s something in the cut of her eyes, the narrow of her mouth, the tilt in her eyebrows. He’s almost certain that they’re on the same page.

And it speaks something to how well they know each other, even if they are always at each other’s throats, that all it takes is minute facial changes for them to communicate. They look at each other and come to an understanding almost immediately, the kind of quiet epiphanies that come easily between Damian and the rest of his adopted family, and then Lian turns back to Iris.

Lian sits up straight, rolling back her shoulders, and looks Iris square in the eye.

She says “He’s white. He can’t join.”

Iris blinks at Lian. Damian watches her process the words. He watches her take it in.

She turns to look at Damian, and there’s something in her expression, a plea and a bargain, but Damian can’t respond to either. He can only offer the same answer that Lian had already given, and he does so with a casual tilt of his head.

Iris turns back to Lian. She shoots Damian another glance, as if to confirm her data, and then she closes her eyes.

“You two,” she begins, “are unbelievable.”

Lian looks at Damian, and he nods in response. He takes over with an icy “It’s a reasonable concern. He simply won’t fit in among our ranks.”

“He’s not  _ from another species _ or anything,” Iris says with deep, deep regret. Lian scoffs.

“That might be more preferable,” Damian retorts. “Aliens do not hold human prejudices.”

Iris says “Oh god,” and covers her face. Damian can tell that she’s not that upset with them yet. This is an approximate three on the Iris West Disappointment Scale, which is the level she is usually at around Damian and Lian. There’s only reason to worry if the meter exceeds a six.

Lian says “Think about it, Irey. When the race war comes, do you really want to be fighting against your fellow Titans?”

“The race war,” Iris repeats, sounding pained. 

Damian chimes in with a “Harper makes a point.” He genuinely does dislike the potential recruit, but by now, he might be doing it just to get a reaction out of Iris. It’s quite enjoyable to watch her squirm.

Iris makes a wounded sound. “You’re  _ agreeing _ with each other. Oh god.”

Damian and Lian share looks, and there it is again: that unspoken understanding, that fleeting communication.

Damian says “Ergo, we hold the correct opinion,”

Iris' cheeks are beginning to redden. Nobody can explain why she begins to blush when she gets mad, but it is quite possibly the funniest thing that Damian has borne witness to in his life. He knows that Lian shares this opinion, and when he glances over at her, there’s a smile playing at her mouth.

Iris breathes in, and has to visibly compose herself. Damian must admit, it’s fun to watch her in action. He’s grown up around people who have been trained, though if they utilize that training is another question, to conceal or control their emotions. Iris doesn’t have that kind of mindset. Everything, including the blatant despair and incredulity that she feels at the moment, is always broadcasted on her face.

She looks between Damian and Lian, and proceeds to appeal to both of their greater sense of conscience. “I don’t think Dick would be happy to know you two are acting like this. This is a recruit he scouted, after all,”

Damian, who learnt two years ago that he could insult Drake to his heart’s content in Richard’s presence as long it was in reference to Drake’s whiteness, because Richard would be laughing too hard to reprimand him, scoffs. He says “Please, I know Richard. He will say something sentimental and obfuscating like ‘You’re old enough to know what’s best for yourselves’ and not interfere further,”

“And he’ll think it’s funny,” adds Lian.

Damian nods. “He will certainly think it’s funny,”

Iris sighs again. 

She’s cracking, Damian can tell. He shoots another look at Lian, and when she looks back, she almost smiles. He almost smiles back.

Iris picks up the file again and says “Let’s at least get through his file, before we make any decisions.” She sounds like she knows she’s fighting a losing battle. Damian grins inwardly; there’s no point in giving away his hand now, not when victory is so close.

Iris continues to flip through the pages, speeding through the reading as Damian and Lian wait for her to finish. Usually, Damian would argue for reading it himself, before letting it be passed on to anybody else, but today? 

Today, he’s hardly going to waste the effort on somebody who is almost a definite no. They’d be better off recruiting Iris’ twin, and he doesn’t even have powers anymore.

Then, Iris comes out of her reading blur and exclaims “He’s a quarter Japanese!” victoriously. She brandishes the page at them, pointing at the evidence with glee. 

There’s a beat of silence. Another one. Iris looks convinced of her triumph.

“Ah,” Lian says, contemplative. “Axis powers.”

Damian throws his head back and cackles.

Iris scowls, her face flaming. She drops the file, and it falls onto the table with a despondent  _ thud. _

“I think I like it better when you two don’t get along,” she mutters. Damian cackles some more.

Thus, the first Titans meeting closes on an unimpeded success.

**Author's Note:**

> tim isn't white its just for the sake of this one joke in the fic


End file.
